outsourcing the surveillance state

With a scant nine months left to the Bush Administration, the push to open every single minute in the lives of every single American to the watchful eyes of the federal government is in crunch time. Obviously, in order to fight The Global War on Terror ™, it is crucial that everything we say and do is documented, recorded, analyzed, and stored for future use against us in a court of law military tribunal. But total surveillance is expensive, and with the Iraq War siphoning about a half-million dollars from the GWOT™ every minute, our watchful minders are now having trouble finding the necessary cash to pay all their bills to the great and patriotic telecommunications companies and related industrialists and war profiteers.

Here’s where you can help.

With the Quik Pod Pro ™, you now can fill in some of the all-seeing eye’s blind spots. Simply extend the telescoping, lightweight, aeronautical-grade aluminum Quik Pod shaft, and you can make sure that you capture every waking moment in wide angle. You never again have to ask a friend, family member, or random passerby to handle your surveillance (which means that you only have to carry one camera, because if a friend, family member, or random passerby is photographing you, it is only fair, after all, that you take over photographing them).

There’s no need for a macro lens because the Quik Pod extends to a full 18.5 inches—and there’s a built in mirror to make sure that you, as a loyal and patriotic American, are always in the frame.

So, do your part John and Jane Q. Public! Help George and Dick keep you out of the sights of the terrorists by keeping yourself in the sights of George and Dick. Pick up your Quik Pod Pro for $29.95 (a Quik Pod tax deduction is in the works) wherever fine surveillance equipment is sold.

Quik Pod: because Uncle Sam and Ma Bell can’t always be there.

Help us help you help us.