here’s what I’m thinking, and I don’t like that I’m thinking it

I have just realized the way the Bush administration is going to exit Iraq: east.

While Dick Cheney and Condi Rice turned up the rhetoric on the Iranian nuclear program, Don Rumsfeld made bold (and, it seems, unfounded) claims about Iran’s meddling in Iraq. “They are currently putting people into Iraq to do things that are harmful to the future of Iraq, and we know it.”

Of course, Peter Pace, at the same event, said that we most certainly don’t know it, but Rummy replied with this clearly incontrovertible evidence: “The Revolutionary Guard doesn’t go milling around willy-nilly.”

I mean, how can you beat that?

So, let’s accuse Iran of something we have no evidence of—exporting insurgency, for instance—then let’s toss in some tough talk from Deadeye Dick: “The United States is keeping all options on the table in addressing the irresponsible conduct of the regime.”

Does that sound vaguely familiar?

I have to admit, naïve lil’ me, that until November of 2002, I refused to believe the Joint Chiefs would let Bush go into Iraq—it’s just too stupid to happen, I thought—so I want to get out in front early on this one.

The rationale will sound something like this (pretend Texas homeboy accent optional):

The United States has a deep and abiding commitment to the people of Iraq. We want to see democracy flourish in Iraq and throughout the region, but it can’t if a fundamentalist, terrorist regime that exists next door continues to meddle in Iraqi affairs.

In addition, Iran has failed to obey international law by pursuing “noo-cue-ler” weapons. They have already threatened Israel. We cannot allow a terrorist regime to possess weapons of mass destruction.

Therefore, in order to preserve the freedom the Iraqi people have fought so hard for, and in order to protect the world from the threat of “noo-cue-ler” terror, we must take the fight to the enemy before he takes the fight to us.

The Iraqi people have stood up to the challenge of democracy, and have made great strides toward building their own security forces. We will continue to help when needed. But as the Iraqi security forces stand up to protect the Iraqi people, the United States will continue the march of freedom and liberty into the heart of the terrorist insurgency.

That is why I come to you today to announce that American forces have crossed into Iran—Operation [insert stupid spin-name here] has begun.

Sometimes I scare myself.


Update: It just occurred to me—how does Rumsfeld know the Revolutionary Guard is milling around? Oh, yeah, this is how.